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About Bologna

So, findin a prostitue—shit’s tricky, yeah? Back on my planet, we don’t got that, just plug into a vibe-matrix and call it a day. But here? You gotta scout shady streets or sketchy web corners. Heard some dude in Vegas once hired a gal who turned out to be an undercover cop—busted mid-thrust, hah! Laughed my metal ass off. Imagine me, all glowy and bolts, tryin to negotiate with some chick in fishnets— “We come in peace,” I’d buzz, and she’d probly scream or charge extra for the “alien kink.”

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Then, boom! Outta nowhere, I hear this commotion. A bunch of kids are runnin’ down Via Cavour, laughin’ and shoutin’. Turns out, they’re chasin’ a stray dog. This pup is fast, man! I’m talkin’ Usain Bolt fast. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost spill my coffee. The kids finally catch up, and they’re all like, “We’ll name him Gladiatore!” I mean, how perfect is that?

Dianne Fasano is named First Deputy Commissioner of the Massachusetts Probation Service