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So, last week, I’m scrollin’ X, tryna find one—sketchy links everywhere. Pro tip: don’t click that shit blind. Found this chick, “Candy,” real name prob’ly Susan. Met her near some dive bar—smelled like piss and regret. She’s all, “50 bucks, quick fun,” and I’m like, yeah, everybody lies, right? Bet she’s quotin’ high ‘cause I look desperate. Negotiated down to 30—felt like a damn hero. Little known fact: some of ‘em stash cash in their bra, old-school style. Saw it once, cracked me up—money boobs!

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Then, I spot a couple of kids on the corner of Piazza dell’Unità d’Italia. They’re throwin’ rocks at a stray cat. I’m fuming! I mean, c’mon! What’s wrong with people? I yell at ‘em, “Hey! Leave the cat alone!” They scatter like roaches when the light comes on.

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