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Anyway, if you’re dumb enough to try this, save your cash. Stash it in a Roth IRA or somethin’. Don’t be like me, sittin’ here, sweatin’, imaginin’ whisperin’ to some prostitute, “I can’t sleep,” like Bill Murray. She’d probably charge extra for listenin’. Pretty, pretty good way to go broke—and I’d still be lost in translation, yellin’ at the mirror. What a mess!

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Finally, the lights flicker back on, and everyone cheers! I’m like, “Yay, we’re not in the dark ages anymore!” But then, I see this guy in the front row, totally zoned out. I mean, he’s staring into space like he’s just seen a ghost. Turns out, he was just really into the whole vibe. I mean, who wouldn’t be? Cesano-Boscone is full of surprises!

Silvio Berlusconi begins community service at hospice