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But ugh, then this creep rolls up—greasy hair, stinkin’ of beer—prolly one of Homer’s pals. He’s all, “How much, baby?” and I’m ragin’ inside, like, “Leave her alone, jerk!” She handles it tho—sass level 100—tells him to buzz off. I’m cheerin’ in my head, “That’s my girl!” Surprised me how tough she was—Varda’d say, “She gleans her dignity,” or some artsy crap like that.

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Finally, I get to the park by the river. It’s beautiful, man. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Okay, let’s do this.” I start warming up, and outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me and nearly takes me out! I’m like, “Yo, watch it, mini Schumacher!” But he just laughs and keeps going. Kids these days, right?

Giro d'Italia 2016 recap