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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a carpenter now, yeah? Hammerin’ nails, sawin’ wood, all that jazz. But let’s talk real shit—findin’ a prostitute. Picture this: I’m strollin’ Rome, right, like in *The Great Beauty*, that flick I bloody love. “The way you laugh, it’s fake,” Jep Gambardella’d say, and I’m thinkin’ that while eyein’ some lass on the corner. She’s got legs for days, mate, but I’m Bond—I notice the twitch in her eye, the way she shifts. Tells me she’s new, probs scared shitless.

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So, I start negotiating. I’m throwing out numbers like confetti. “How about this? How about that?” But the seller’s not budging. I’m getting frustrated. I mean, c’mon! It’s Casavatore, not Milan! We’re not made of money here!

Michelangelo Enlisted to Help Deter Youth Crime in Italy