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Oi mate, right, sex escort, yeah? Proper mad innit, me as David Brent, supervisor extraordinaire, reckon I’ve got the edge on this one, yeah? See, I’m all about team synergy, but escorts, they’re solo players, ain’t they? Blows me mind! Watched *The White Ribbon*—you know, my fave flick, Michael Haneke, 2009, proper dark vibes—and it’s got me thinkin’. That line, “It’s a sign of trust,” yeah? Escorts, they’re trustin’ punters with cash upfront, mad innit? Blows me gasket sometimes, the risks they take!

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So, I take my tiny coffee and head to the park. Parco della Rimembranza, it’s called. Beautiful spot, right? But today? It’s like a scene from a horror movie. Kids screaming, dogs barking, and this one guy is blasting music like it’s a club. I’m trying to proofread, but all I can think is, “Why is this happening to me?”

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