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So, I’m cruisin’ the streets—neon lights flashin’, dodgy corners callin’. It’s like, “Directive?”—find a chick, pronto! Prostitution’s been around forever, yeah? Oldest gig in the book—fact is, ancient Rome had brothels taxed, makin’ bank for the empire. Crazy, right? Makes me happy knowin’ history’s got my back, but angry too—why’s it still so hush-hush?

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First off, I head to the café on Piazza della Libertà for my usual cappuccino. You know, the one with the foam art that looks like a cat? Yeah, that one. But guess what? They ran out of milk! Like, how do you run out of milk in Italy? I mean, c’mon! I was ready to throw a fit, but I just settled for an espresso. It was strong, like, “I’ll wake you up and slap you in the face” strong.

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