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About Catania

So I’m thinkin, right, how’s a bloke s’posed to pick? Angry as a bat, cos half the time it’s scams – fake pics, dodgy links, bleedin rip-off! Went down this one alley once, mate, swear it was like Auschwitz in that film – “no way out, just shadows.” Nearly shat meself, but then – bam! – this bird, all legs an’ glitter, pops up. Happy as a pig in mud, I was! Cost me a tenner to chat, tho, surprised me bollocks off.

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I rush over there, and it’s chaos! People are screaming, flapping their arms, trying to fend off these feathered fiends. I’m cracking up, but also kinda worried. I mean, who knew seagulls could be so aggressive? I grab my radio, and I’m like, “Luca, get the nets! We need to save these tourists!”

Banksy mural stolen from Bataclan theatre found in Italian farmhouse