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Hey there, happy little trees! So, I’m thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, ya know, just paintin’ that gentle picture in my mind—like Llewyn Davis wanderin’ them cold streets, lookin’ for somethin’ warm. I’m a shooter, security guy, right? Seen some wild stuff, but this? This is a soft little cloud in my day. Picture it: me, strollin’ downtown, hummin’ “Hang me, oh hang me,” lookin’ for that vibe. Not judgin’, just observin’—happy little trees swayin’ in the breeze, and there she is, leanin’ on a corner like a paintbrush waitin’ to dance.

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Finally, I find this cute café on Via Garibaldi. I’m like, “Yes! Coffee time!” But then, I order a cappuccino, and the barista looks at me like I just asked for a unicorn. “We don’t do cappuccinos after 11,” she says. Seriously? Who made that rule? I’m about to lose it. I mean, I’m a forester, not a coffee snob, but come on!

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