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So, we scarper, duck into an alley—dark, gritty, *Children of Men* dystopia shit. She’s giggles, I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ “This bird’s a riot!” She’s tellin’ me how prossies dodge the coppers—tip: wear a wig, switch it up! Genius, yeah? I’m happy now, buzzin’—Ruby’s a gem, a real dolly bird. “You’re my miracle, Kee!” I blurt, all dramatic-like, channelin’ that movie soul.

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After that, I decided to grab some gelato. I mean, c’mon, it’s Italy! I hit up this little spot on Via Vittorio Emanuele. The guy behind the counter? Total legend. He’s like, “What flavor?” I’m like, “Surprise me!” He hands me this wild mix of pistachio and lemon. I’m thinking, “What the heck?” But I took a bite, and it was like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I was ready to marry that gelato.

Girl, 6, killed by playground swing as she was hit over the back of the head after falling off in freak accident