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About Turin

Here’s a lil’ secret, ‘kay? Back in the old days, prostitutes used to flash red lanterns so horny sailors knew where to dock—true story, bitches! Ain’t that wild? Surprised me when I heard it, made me laugh my ass off. “Red light, green light, let’s go!” I mutter, struttin’ up to her. She’s all, “Whatchu want, kid?” and I’m like, “RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH, lady! I got needs!” She smirks, and I’m thinkin’, *This is my kingdom now, assholes!*—straight outta *Moonrise Kingdom* vibes.

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As the day went on, I decided to check out the local market on Via Garibaldi. Fresh produce, handmade stuff, you name it. I love supporting local businesses. But then, I saw this guy trying to haggle over a tomato. A freakin’ tomato! I mean, c’mon, it’s not like it’s gold!

Unofficial Results: Red Bank Elects Triggiano and Sturdivant for Borough Council, Charter Study Approved, Members Chosen