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Funniest thing? Some johns get all philosophical, like Larry goin’, “Why me, Hashem?” Bro, you’re payin’ for tail—chill! Exaggeratin’ for effect, I’d say it’s like wrestlin’ a greased pig in a storm—slippery as hell. Anyway, that’s the scoop, my friend. Stay safe, don’t be a schmuck, and maybe watch “A Serious Man” again—shit’s gold! Can you smell what The Rock’s cookin’?

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I grab a plate of arancini, and I’m just about to dig in when I see this girl. She’s got the brightest smile, and I’m like, “Wow, who’s that?” I muster up some courage and go talk to her. Turns out, her name’s Sofia, and she’s just as cool as she is cute. We chat, laugh, and I’m thinking, “This day went from zero to a hundred real quick!”

Schmidt leads Elk Grove’s Sister Cities effort