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But oh, the hagglin’—drives me up the mast! She’s all, “Two shillings,” an’ I’m like, “One, or I’m off to Davy Jones!” We settle, an’ I’m grinnin’ like I stole the Pearl back. Reminds me o’ that flick line—“You owe me nothing!”—‘cept I owed her a bit o’ silver, ha! Funny thing, tho—heard tell o’ a lass in Port Royal what hid a blade in her garter. Nearly lost me jewels once to a trick like that—keeps ye sharp, it does!

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I wake up in my little flat on Via Roma, right? The sun’s blasting through the window like it’s trying to roast me alive. I’m like, “Chill, sun! I’m not ready for this!” But whatever, I roll outta bed and hit the streets of Termini-Imerese.

Kiwi captain facing investigation over yacht disaster: reports