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About Bari

So, I’m strollin’, tryna find a chick who’s, uh, *available*. How you doin’, ladies? I spot this one gal, all sass, leanin’ on a corner like she owns it. I’m thinkin’, “She’s got that *Moonrise* spunk—‘I’m not leaving without you!’” I swagger up, all Joey-style, “Hey, how you doin’?” She smirks, like, “Boy, you lost?” I’m laughin’, but inside I’m like—damn, this is wild! Did ya know, back in the day, some prostitutes used secret codes? Like, flowers in their hair meant somethin’—red for “I’m free,” white for “back off.” Crazy, right? History’s freaky like that.

Oh brothel, where art thou?

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So, I’m trying to calm everyone down when my buddy Marco bursts in. He’s all outta breath, looking like he just ran a marathon. Turns out, he got stuck behind some old lady on Via della Libertà. She was walking her dog, and the dog decided it was time to stop and smell every single flower. I’m dying laughing. Like, c’mon, lady! You’re not in a botanical garden!

Clash at Tecchiena: A Match Marred by Violence