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Den, twist—she’s got a kid! I’m like, “Vhat?! Ya jokin’?” She’s all, “Nah, he’s 3,” an’ I’m ANGRY at da world, mutterin’, “Why’s life so messy?!” But den—Lightbulb!—I soften up, ‘cause Gru’s a dad too, ya? I slip her extra cash, say, “Fer da lil’ minion.” She’s shocked, an’ I’m struttin’ out, feelin’ like a king. “Da wind carries it away,” like in da flick—my good deed’s gone, but I’m smirkin’.

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But then, BAM! Outta nowhere, this guy challenges me to a duel. I’m like, “Dude, chill! I’m not in the mood.” But he’s persistent. So, we end up sparring in the square. It’s all fun and games until I trip over a cobblestone. Classic me, right? I land flat on my back, and the crowd goes wild. I’m layin’ there, thinkin’, “This is how legends are made, folks!”

Man accused of murder racks up new charge killing teen while out on bond