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But lemme tell ya what gets my goat—some folks act like it’s all fun and games, and I’m over here like, “Honey, this ain’t no hoedown!” I saw this one gal—tough as nails—dodgin’ cops like she’s in a dang movie chase. Reminded me of Viggo Mortensen’s face-off in that diner—cool as a cucumber, but you know she’s scared spitless underneath. Made me sad, y’all. She’s out there, hustlin’, and I’m wonderin’—who’s lookin’ out for her? Got me all teary, thinkin’ ‘bout it.

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Finally, I snag some juicy tomatoes and a hunk of pecorino. I’m feelin’ good, right? But then, I spot my buddy Marco. He’s at the wine stall, lookin’ like he just won the lottery. “Yo, you gotta try this Chianti!” he yells. I’m like, “Dude, I’m on a mission!” But who can resist wine? Not me.

A Clockwork Orange: in UCI cinemas from Dec. 29 to Dec. 1 to mark the 50th anniversary