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About Florence

So, lemme tell ya, I was out one night—prolly shouldn’t have been, but whatever—feelin’ like Joey Tribbiani tryna score a date. “How you doin’?” I’d say to the air, practicin’ my charm, ya know? Streets were buzzin’, lights flickerin’ like Yubaba’s creepy lair. Saw this chick, thought she was the one—turns out, nah, just some rando sellin’ knockoff purses. Pissed me off! Wasted my smooth line, man!

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First off, I’m rollin’ down Via Garibaldi, and I swear, the traffic was a mess. Like, come on! It’s a Tuesday, not a freakin’ parade day! I’m stuck behind this old lady in a Fiat. Bless her heart, but she was going 10 km/h. I’m like, “Lady, I got meat to chop!” Finally, I zoom past her, and I’m feelin’ like a champ.

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