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About Naples

So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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First off, I hit the road on Via Roma. Classic street, but today? Total chaos. I’m driving my little Fiat, and suddenly, this dude on a scooter zooms past me like he’s in a race. I mean, c’mon! It’s not the MotoGP, buddy! I almost spilled my coffee. And let me tell ya, that coffee was the only thing keeping me sane.

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