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I. Pull. Up. Tractor’s. Roarin’. She’s. There. Leanin’. On. A. Pump. Skirt. Short. Enough. To. Kill. Me. I’m. Sweatin’. More. Now. Than. Plowin’. 40. Acres. “You. Want. To. Play?” She. Says. I’m. Thinkin’. Shit. This. Ain’t. No. Movie. But. It. Feels. Like. One. I. Nod. Like. A. Dumbass. Heart’s. Poundin’. Wallet’s. Cryin’. Already.

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After that, I decide to take a breather. I head out to Piazza Garibaldi. It’s beautiful there, with the fountain and all. I grab a gelato from that little shop on the corner. Best gelato ever! I mean, who doesn’t love a good pistachio? But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my cone! Like, excuse me, Mr. Pigeon, this is MY treat! I’m flailing my arms, and people are staring. So embarrassing!

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