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Alright, listen up, ya knuckleheads! I’m an actuary in Russia, crunchin’ numbers like a boss, but lemme tell ya bout somethin’ wild—findin’ a prostitute ‘round here. It’s like huntin’ for bin Laden in *Zero Dark Thirty*, ya know? “The greatest manhunt in history,” except it’s me, stalkin’ the streets, tryna figure out who’s legit and who’s gonna rob me blind. Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’—I ain’t that dumb!
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First off, I hit up Via Roma for my morning coffee. You know, the usual spot, Bar Centrale. Best cappuccino in town, hands down. But guess what? They ran outta milk! Like, how do you run outta milk in Italy? I was ready to throw a fit. I mean, c’mon! So, I settled for an espresso. Not the same, but whatever.
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