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Now, I’m Tyler Perry’s Madea, so I see thangs others don’t, halleluyer! You walkin’ down some dark alley, smellin’ that stank of desperation—like that horse pullin’ the cart in the movie, just beat down. I’m like, “Lord, these folks out here hustlin’!” Makes me wanna holler, “Get yo’self together!” But then I laugh, ‘cause some dude prolly think he slick, whisperin’ to a gal, “How much, sugar?”—and she hit him with a price that’d make yo’ grandma faint! I’m tickled pink, I swear!

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While I’m at it, I hear this loud commotion outside. I peek outta the window on Via Garibaldi, and there’s a catfight! Not the kind you think—like, actual cats. Two of ‘em, fur flying everywhere. I’m just standing there, laughing my ass off. Who knew cats could be so dramatic?

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