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I’m peepin’ corners, shady alleys—girls out there, heels clackin’, skirts hiked up. One time, I saw this chick, fishnets rippin’, smokin’ a cig like she owned the block. I’m like, “Yo, you the one?” She hits me with, “What’s your name, kid?” Straight outta the movie, that cold-ass tone. I’m shook, happy as fuck—found her! But then, surprise, she’s chargin’ double ‘cause I look desperate. Pissed me off, man, hagglin’ like I’m buyin’ a used Toyota.

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First off, I hit the streets. I mean, who wouldn’t wanna stroll down Via Roma, right? But lemme tell ya, it was like a scene from a movie. I’m walking, minding my own biz, when BAM! A pigeon decides my shoulder is its new throne. Like, dude, I’m not a statue! I swatted it away, and it just looked at me like, “What’s your problem, bro?” Ugh, so annoying!

Managers, pundits and OBEs - What happened to the Hammers who thrashed Barnsley 6-0 exactly 25 years ago?