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Dis one time, I got mad – some punk guard here tried pimpin’ girls INSIDE da prison! I was like, “Nein, not on my vatch!” Smashed his desk wid one punch – boom! Felt good, ya? Den I was happy, ‘cause I helped dis one chick get out, start fresh. She was shocked – “Arnie, you’re da man!” – and I’m grinnin’, flexin’, “Ja, I know!”

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After that, I’m back to work. I’m stitching up a pair of boots when this lady walks in. She’s all frantic, like she just saw a ghost. Turns out, her dog chewed up her favorite sandals. I’m tryin’ to keep a straight face, but I’m thinkin’, “What kind of dog does that?” I mean, come on! I tell her I can fix ‘em, but it’ll take a bit. She’s like, “I need them for tonight!” No pressure, right?

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