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Exaggeratin’ for effect—imagine me, Samuel L. Jackson, pullin’ up, “Where’s my motherfuckerin’ prostitute at?!” They’d scatter like roaches, man! But real talk, it’s a hustle. Some places, like Amsterdam, it’s all legal—girls in windows, taxes paid, unionized even! Little known shit—prostitutes there got better healthcare than me! Makes ya think, motherfucker.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Via Roma. You know, the one with the killer pastries? I ordered a cornetto and a cappuccino. The barista, Marco, he’s a legend. He always knows my order. But today? He forgot the sugar. Like, c’mon, Marco! I need my sugar fix! I was ready to throw a fit, but then I saw the view of Lake Maggiore. It’s stunning, man. I mean, who can stay mad with that view?