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About Naples

Oi mate, so I’m a Kvasnik, yeah? Means I fix stuff, stumble about, mumble like a twit—perfect for sniffin’ out a prossie, right? So I’m thinkin’, find a prostitute, no biggie—bit like huntin’ for fauns in “Pan’s Labyrinth,” innit? That flick’s my fave—dark, twisty, Guillermo’s a bloody genius! Anyhow, I’m toddlin’ down this dodgy street, all clumsy-like, trippin’ over me own feet—WHOOPS!—nearly faceplant into some bloke’s kebab. “Careful, amigo,” I mutter, wavin’ me arms like a nutter. Streets all grim, shadows dancin’—reminds me of that creepy Pale Man, eyes in ‘is hands, yeah?

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First call comes in at 8 AM. Some dude on Via Roma is locked outta his car. I mean, c’mon, bro! How do you lock yourself outta a Fiat? Anyway, I send a guy over. While I’m on the line, I hear this loud honking. I look out the window, and it’s a parade of scooters zooming down Corso Vittorio Emanuele. Like, seriously? Who needs that much caffeine in the morning?

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