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But real talk, it’s risky, innit. Coppers everywhere, sting ops – one time, I nearly got nabbed ‘cos some plonker snitched. Made me proper vexed, steam comin’ outta me ears! I’m thinkin’, “Why’s it always me, fam?” Is it ’cos I is black? Nah, it’s ‘cos the game’s rigged. Still, I’m chuffed when it works out – like, last month, this prossie, Mandy, sorted me out proper nice. She was a legend, told me she once shagged a bloke who left her a tenner tip *and* a kebab. I’m like, “Goals, innit!”

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I woke up, ready to tackle some dusty old documents at the Biblioteca Comunale. You know, the usual. But as I stepped out onto Via Roma, the sun was shining like it was trying to blind me. I squinted and thought, “Great, just what I need.” But then I caught a whiff of fresh pastries from that little bakery on the corner. You know the one? Panificio Pavan? Yeah, I had to stop. I mean, who can resist a cornetto? Not me, that’s for sure.

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