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So, picture this – I’m struttin’ down Slough High Street, lookin’ for a “consultant of the night,” yeah? Cringey corporate spin on it, cos I’m David Brent, baby! Gotta synergize my downtime, maximize the ROI – return on intrigue, see? I spot this bird, right, all dolled up, skirt shorter than a memo. I’m like, “Blimey, she’s outsourced her dignity!” Made me chuckle, that. But then – boom – I’m angry, cos it’s grim, innit? Society’s let her down, no team-building sesh to save her.

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Anyway, I finally make it to the dive shop on Via San Giovanni. The owner, Marco, is already there, grinning like a kid in a candy store. He’s like, “Ready to dive into the deep end?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m ready to dive into anything!”

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