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I’m happy as a pig in shit, ‘cause she’s cheap – ten quid, bargain! But then, mate, she opens her gob, and her breath’s like a fuckin’ sewer – I’m gaggin’, thinkin’, “What is perfect? Nothin’s perfect!” Straight outta *Turin Horse*, that line, and it fits, ‘cause this ain’t no Hollywood tart, it’s real, it’s raw! Made me angry, though – why’s it always the skanks that find me? Where’s the class birds at?

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I’m like, “Oh boy, here we go.” Turns out, they’re fightin’ over who makes the best chocolate in Modica. I mean, c’mon! It’s all good! But they’re throwin’ insults like it’s a chocolate war. I step in, tryin’ to calm ‘em down. “Guys, chill! Let’s just agree it’s all delicious.”

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