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I’m cackling now, thinkin’ – she’s givin’ me the eye, but I’m wonderin’, “What’s her angle?” Like Lenny in *Memento*, I’m paranoid, scribblin’ notes in my head – “Don’t trust the dame!” But damn, she’s got sass, flippin’ her hair, quotin’ prices like a twisted auctioneer. “50 for a quickie, 100 for the night!” I’m like, “Whoa, lady, I ain’t Bruce Wayne!”

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I hit the streets of Martinengo, and wow, the vibe was electric. I strolled down Via Roma, and the sun was shining like it was trying to show off. I mean, c’mon, it’s not like it’s a competition, right? But then, BAM! I tripped over a cobblestone. Classic me. I’m like, “Really? In front of all these people?” So embarrassing.

Sasha Martinengo axed for referring to Julius Malema as a 'monkey' on air