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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m comin’ at ya like a damn Combine Harvester tearin’ thru the fields! Today we’re talkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, yeah, you heard me right! Picture this—I’m cruisin’ the backroads, dust kickin’ up, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave flick, *The White Ribbon*, that creepy-ass Michael Haneke joint from 2009. Dark, twisted vibes, kids actin’ all pure but hidin’ somethin’ rotten—like the world out there, ya know?

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After that, I was feeling kinda hungry. I hit up this little trattoria on Via Cavour. The pasta? To die for! I ordered the cacio e pepe, and it was like a hug in a bowl. But then, the waiter spills water all over my lap. I’m like, “Dude, I’m not a plant!” He apologized like a million times, and I just laughed it off. I mean, it’s not every day you get a free shower, right?

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