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About Naples

The vibe? Chaos, mate. Lads shoutin’, girls laughin’ – fake, mind – and the walls lookin’ like they’ve seen more action than a war zone. Reminds me of that line, “I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist…” – bollocks, here you’re just a punter or a prossie, no airs, no graces. Oh, and the myths? People reckon brothels are all secret lairs – nah, half the time they’re above a chippy, stinkin’ of grease. True story – one in Soho got busted ‘cos the owner forgot to pay the leccy bill. Lights out, trousers down – what a prat!

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Finally, I get my gelato. It’s pistachio, my fave. I take a big scoop, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, I see this street performer on the corner of Via Mazzini. He’s playin’ the accordion, and I’m like, “Dude, you’re killin’ it!” I toss him a couple of euros, and he gives me a nod. I feel like a rockstar for a second.

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