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Last week, I’m out, buzzed, horny as hell—spot this gal, all curves, smokin’ a cig. I’m like, “Sh*t, she’s it!” Channelin’ Doc, I swagger up, all “Hey, sorta kinda need a favor.” She laughs—LAUGHS—says, “Honey, I’m off duty.” F*ckin’ gut punch! I’m mad, but damn, she’s got sass—kinda hot. Greed is good, tho—it don’t let me quit. Next night, I’m back, find another—total pro, no games. She’s all “What’s happenin’, hotshot?”—straight outta the movie, I swear. Deal’s done, cash flows, everybody’s happy.

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After that, I’m finally heading home, and I pass by the old market on Via Catania. The smell of fresh produce hits me, and I’m like, “Yes, please!” I grab some fresh figs and tomatoes. I’m feeling like a total boss. But then, I trip over a crate. Classic me, right? I’m on the ground, figs rolling everywhere. I’m laughing, but also kinda mad. Like, why can’t I have one normal day?

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