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So, sex-dating—man, it’s a jungle. Apps like Grindr, Bumble, whatever, they’re all the same. People actin’ all hot n’ heavy, droppin’ lines like, “Wanna Netflix n’ chill?” Yeah, okay, buddy, chill with what—your crusty socks? I tried it once—swear to God, chick said she’s “adventurous,” code for “I’ll ghost ya after one drink.” Infuriating! Wasted my damn time. Coulda been watchin’ *Spotlight* again, gettin’ mad at the world instead of some flake. “You can’t handle the truth!”—damn right, ‘cause it’s buried under filters and fake moans.

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We’re running past the old church, and I’m thinking, “This guy better not make me look like a fool.” I finally catch up to him near the train station. He’s panting, and I’m like, “What’s your deal, man?” Turns out, he just stole a sandwich from a vendor. A freakin’ sandwich! I’m relieved but also kinda annoyed. Like, really? You’re running for a sandwich?

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