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Still, I’d be lyin’ if I said it don’t tempt me sometimes. Quick fix, no strings—sounds sweet til it ain’t. Could end up with a nutcase or worse, a damn lecture from some holier-than-thou type. Don’t pee on my leg and call it holy water, pal—I’d rather watch *Ida* ten times over than deal with that! So yeah, findin’ a prostitute? It’s a trip, a mess, a laugh. Proceed with caution, ya filthy animals!

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So, I hit the streets, right? I’m strolling down Via Garibaldi, and boom! I see this little café, Bar Centrale. I’m like, “Yesss, coffee time!” I order my usual—cappuccino, extra foam, because why not? But the barista, this dude with a mustache that could rival Mario, totally messes it up. I mean, how do you mess up a cappuccino? I’m fuming, but I just smile and take it. Gotta pick your battles, ya know?

Live Blog: Mille Miglia 2017