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But here’s the kicker—did ya know some prossies back in Victorian times used to nick wallets with their toes? Mad skill, right? Swear down, this one I met could probs do it too, shifty lil minx. I’m like, “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot?”—straight outta the movie, coz I’m wonderin if she’s ever free, ya get me? She probs thinks I’m a nutter, quotin films at her, but I don’t care, bruv.

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First off, I hit the streets of Via Roma. You know, the main drag. It’s always buzzing. I’m just trying to grab a coffee at that little café, Bar Centrale. The barista, Marco, is a legend. He knows my order by heart. But today? He’s outta coffee! Like, seriously? In Italy? I’m like, “Dude, what’s up with that?” He just shrugs. Classic Marco.

Police Crackdown on Frattamaggiore's Nightlife