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I’d be ragin’ happy if I scored one, tho. “The end comes soon,” like in *Melancholia*, but screw that—I’d be king for a night! Maybe she’d be hot, maybe not, but I’d yell, “You’re my planet now, bitch!” Total Cartman move. Still, it’s risky—could get robbed or somethin’. Makes me mad thinkin’ about it! Don’t mess with me, I’m Eric freakin’ Cartman!
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But then, the day took a turn. I went to grab some lunch at this little trattoria on Via Cavour. I ordered the special, which was supposed to be amazing. But it was cold! Like, ice-cold! I was fuming. I told the waiter, and he just shrugged. I mean, c’mon! I’m not a penguin!
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