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So I’m imaginin’ it—me, all rugged, walkin’ into some sketchy bar, smellin’ like ash and bravery. I’m like, “Hey, anyone know where to find a prostitute?” Total *Zodiac* vibes—“I’m not Paul Avery, I’m better!” Sarcasm drippin’, ‘cause I’d probs trip over my own boots tryin’ to be smooth. Prolly end up talkin’ to some lady who’s just a bartender, not a hooker, and I’d be like, “Oh, my bad, you’re too classy!” That’s what she said! God, I’m hilarious.

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While I’m munchin’, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just sittin’ there, tryin’ not to laugh. The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and the girl’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m thinkin’, “Man, I’d rather be fishing.”

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