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Quirky bit—once saw a tart in Vegas dressed as Elvis, swear down! “Love me tender,” she purrs, and I’m pissin’ myself laughin’. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who gives a toss? Point is, findin’ a prossie’s easy if ya ain’t a muppet. Check X, dark web, whatever—just don’t be a prat and catch somethin’ nasty. “Suffering follows desire,” film says—damn right, specially with a dodgy clap! You’re welcome, ya filthy git!

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So, I muster up some courage and go for it. We chat, and it’s going great! But then, I trip over my own feet. Classic me, right? I’m on the ground, and she’s laughing. I’m dying inside, but hey, at least she’s cute. We end up talking for a while, and I forget all about my earlier disasters.

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