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Like, literally, oh my gawd, finding a prostitute is, like, so wild! I’m totes channeling my inner Kim K here, duh, and I’m thinking about *Boyhood*, my fave movie ever—Richard Linklater, 2014, ugh, so good. Like, “It’s like I’m watching my life,” ya know? Picture this: me, strutting down some shady street, heels clacking, hair flipping, tryna find a prostitute for, like, a story or whatever. I’m all, “This is my moment,” like Mason in the movie, growing up fast, right?

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First off, I’m cruising down Via Roma, jamming to my tunes. Suddenly, BAM! Traffic jam. Like, what’s the deal? I look over and see some dude trying to parallel park. I mean, come on, bro! It’s not rocket science! He’s all over the place, and I’m just sitting there, losing my mind. I’m yelling, “Just turn the wheel!” but he can’t hear me, obviously.

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