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Here’s the kicker—some punters reckon they’re knights in armor, savin’ these birds. Mate, wake up—they’re in it for the thrill, not the charity. We shall fight in the fields of delusion, smashin’ that fairy tale to bits! Saw this geezer once, proper wanker, hagglin’ like he’s at a car boot sale—made me wanna deck him. “Five euros, take it,” she says, voice flat. Five bloody euros? That’s your empire, is it?

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But then, bam! The first item up is this ancient vase. I mean, it’s older than my grandma! I’m hyped, but then this lady in the front row starts yelling. “That’s a fake! I saw it on the internet!” I’m like, “Lady, chill! This is Ceggia, not a reality show!” But she keeps going. I’m sweating bullets.

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