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Heya buddy! So, like, bein’ a financial advisor, I gotta talk about findin’ a prostitute—wild, right? Not that kinda “investment,” duh, but lemme tell ya somethin’. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout my fave movie, *Only Lovers Left Alive*, ya know, them classy vamps sippin’ blood like it’s fancy wine. “The air is thick with envy,” Adam’d say, and dang, that’s how I feel bout this topic—everybody’s got an opinion!

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But then, she hands me this giant bag of olives. I’m thinking, “Lady, I didn’t sign up for a workout!” But I can’t say no, right? So now I’m lugging around this heavy bag, and my coffee’s gone cold. Ugh.

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