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About Naples

So, last week—d’oh!—I’m cruisin’ downtown, belly fulla donuts, lookin’ for some action. Streets are buzzin’, lights flashin’, and I’m like, “Marge’d kill me, but whatever!” You gotta dodge the cops, tho—sneaky bastards. Fun fact: back in old Rome, prostitutes wore blonde wigs to stand out. Crazy, right? Imagine that—blonde wig, high heels, waitin’ under a lamp post like some ninja from “The Assassin.” “She moves in silence,” like the movie says, and bam, there she is!

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Finally, the power comes back, and I rush out. I’m dodging people on the street, trying to get to the parade. It’s packed! Everyone’s dancing, laughing, and I’m just trying to squeeze through. I bump into this old lady. Sorry, Nonna! She gives me the dirtiest look. I mean, I get it, I’m a hot mess.

4,500-year-old jar from the Bronze Age discovered in southern Turkey