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Then—omg—this shady dude DMs me, like, “I got girls.” Ew, creep alert! I’m like, “Literally, get outta my face!” Blocked him so fast, my nails almost chipped. But real talk, I’m thinkin’—what if I find her, right? We’d totes sit on some curb, sippin’ Starbucks, talkin’ life—like Celine sayin’, “Memory’s a wonderful thing if u don’t deal with the past.” Deep, huh? I’d ask her, “Girl, what’s ur story?” Probs somethin’ wild—like, did u know some pros in the ‘90s hid cash in tree stumps? True tea!

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Finally, I get it set up. I’m handing out flyers, trying to get people hyped. And then, this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “What’s this all about?” I’m trying to explain, but she’s more interested in my hair. “You need a haircut, young man!” Thanks, lady, I’ll add that to my to-do list.

Generali investor Caltagirone has no plans to propose own CEO candidate, sources say