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So, I dive in—kinda pissed, kinda curious. Why’s it gotta be so easy? Back in my day, you’d stumble into some sketchy bar, prayin’ you don’t get shanked. Now? Click, scroll, done—modern romance, huh? Makes me wanna scream, “Alien, you’re too loud!”—like I’m Harmony Korine losin’ it on set. But nah, it’s efficient, I guess—saves time for strummin’ chords.

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Then, I had a client meeting at a café on Via Madonna del Ponte. I was all set to help this lady find a dress for her daughter’s wedding. She was late, of course. I mean, c’mon, it’s Balestrate! You can’t be late to a meeting when the sun’s shining and the gelato’s calling! Finally, she shows up, and she’s like, “I need something fabulous!” I’m thinking, “Girl, we’re in a small town, not Milan!” But I kept my cool.

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