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But chile, don’t get it twisted—findin’ a prostitute ain’t my Saturday night plan. I’m just sayin’, if you gonna do it, know the game! Watch yo’ back like Leo dodgin’ the feds. “Don’t you dare pick up that phone!”—that’s me yellin’ at you if you dumb enough to get scammed. Some of ‘em slicker than a greased pig, takin’ yo’ money and poof—gone! I’d be hot as fish grease, swear on my mama’s grave.

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Then, around noon, the beach gets packed. I’m talkin’ shoulder-to-shoulder, like sardines in a can. I can’t even see the sand anymore! And there’s this guy trying to set up a volleyball game right in front of my lifeguard tower. I’m like, “Dude, really? You wanna play volleyball where I gotta keep an eye on the water?” But he just shrugs and starts spiking the ball.