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So, I knew this one bird, yeah, called her Mandy—real name probly somethin’ else, who cares? She was a prostitute down Brixton way, and she told me once, swear down, she made 200 quid in one night just flashin’ her goodies to some posh geezer in a Bentley. Mad, innit? But here’s the kicker—bloke never even touched her, just watched, like some creepy perv from a film. Made me laff, tho—200 quid for a peep show? I’d do that for a tenner, bruv, is it ’cos I is black?

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Finally, I get to the café, and guess what? It’s packed. Like, standing-room-only packed. I’m thinking, “Great, just great.” I squeeze in, order a coffee, and spill half of it on my shirt. Awesome. Now I look like I just survived a coffee tsunami.

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