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I lean in, all smooth-like, “Fancy a spin, love?” She smirks, says, “Cash up front, handsome.” Fair play, I respect the hustle—girl’s gotta eat. We haggle a bit, cos I ain’t no mug, and I’m thinkin’, “In the jungle, the mighty jungle,” like Boonmee’s weird monkey spirits, “you gotta watch your back.” Didja know, back in the ‘60s, MI6 used prossies to honeytrap spies? True story—Cold War was wild!

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Then, I get a call on the radio. “We need backup at the beach!” I’m thinkin’, “What now?” Turns out, some guy on the beach, near the old train station, is having a meltdown. He’s yelling about his lost wallet. I mean, I get it, wallets are important, but dude, chill! So, I head over, and he’s just ranting. I’m like, “Bro, it’s just money. You can get more.” But he’s not having it. I try to calm him down, but he’s like a volcano ready to erupt.

Record-breaking rains swamp northern coast, with more showers on the way