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Oi mate, so I’m standin’ there, cash register beepin’, and this bloke comes in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me—James Bond, suave, “shaken, not stirred”—where to find a prostitute. Me, I’m thinkin’, “What am I, yer bloody pimp?” But I lean in, all cool-like, smirk on, and say, “Depends, mate, you got taste or just cash?” He’s all twitchy, nervous, probly his first rodeo. I’m pissed tho—why me? Why not Google it, ya twat? But then I’m like, whatever, let’s have some fun.

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But then, things get wild. I spot this group of teenagers near the rocks by the beach. They’re all like, “Look at us, we’re so cool!” But then, one of ‘em slips and goes tumbling into the water. I’m like, “Oh no, not today!” I dive in, and it’s like a scene from a movie. I’m swimming, dodging waves, and finally grab the kid. He’s all, “Thanks, man!” while I’m just trying not to drown myself.