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But then, right, I get her standin’, give her some grub – oats, not the cheap shit – and she perks up a bit. Eyes all soft, like she’s sayin’, “Thanks, you sarcastic git.” Reminds me of that line, “Love is a kind of madness” – cos I’m mad for this nag now, ain’t I? Spent hours fixin’ her up, hooves all cracked, coat like a moth-eaten rug. Did ya know horses can sleep standin’ up? Whore don’t, though – flops down like a drunk tart at 3 a.m., *cackles*, proper drama queen!

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After that, I head over to the market on HaRishonim Street. It’s bustling, as usual. I love the vibe there, but today? It’s like a scene from a movie. People are shouting, vendors are hawking their goods, and I’m just trying to find some fresh veggies. I spot this old lady selling the juiciest tomatoes. I’m like, “Lady, I’ll take five!” But she’s all, “Five? You need ten!” I’m like, “Chill, I don’t need a tomato army.”

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