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I’m tellin’ ya, tho, some parlors? Sketchy as hell. Went to one—dude’s hands were shakin’ like he’s nervous, oil smelled like cheap fries. Pissed me off! “Don’t pee on my leg, pal, I ain’t here for a McMassage!” Kicked his ass out in my head—Judy-style justice. But when it’s good? Oh man, happy ain’t the word—ecstatic, floatin’, like I stole Leo’s totem and it’s still spinnin’. Fun fact: some oils got aphrodisiacs—ylang-ylang, jasmine—mess with your brain chemistry, make ya horny as a rabbit on Red Bull. Science, bitches!

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On my way home, I pass by the market on Rechov HaYarden. It’s packed! People everywhere, yelling about prices. I’m just trying to get through, and this guy bumps into me. I’m like, “Yo, watch it!” He just shrugs. Rude, right?

Haredi neighborhoods vulnerable to Arab infiltration